Slow Days (1/28/24)

Slow days, consciousness in a sludge state. I'm accompanied by a silly creature covered in black fur that I call "Bean". It's a gray day today, and the sun barely shows. As the winter goes. But this January, the snow came for about two weeks. Now at the tail end of the month, everything is turning to sludge.

I saw two young girls this morning, no older than thirteen, racing to the 7/11 on the street corner. Side by side, they were laughing as they ran. Past the train tracks, their hair blowing in the wind, and as they approached the front of the store, they clumsily slowed their steps, falling into each one, and falling into each other. Bumping shoulders and sort of half-hugging, still with big smiles and bright giggles as they disappeared behind the 7/11 doors.

It solidified a hopeful feeling that I will never let go of. A feeling that there's plenty of room for play in this world. That some of us do still exist in the real world, and that there's no reason to hide or to get caught in the superficial. We can have love right now. Now Bean is licking and biting me. He's a sweet boy.

I'm not sure what to do with myself today, although I have a long list of things I'd quite like to do. Still, I'm turning to sludge. Usually this is a feeling accompanied by depression, but today I'm just thankful. I feel so much love. I feel love for the people in my life, for the opportunities we make for ourselves, for the times we spend together. I feel very loved, and I'm so grateful.

My friends and I love to play. We wrestle, we pretend, we play loud music together, we run into each other, we do karaoke, we wrap ourselves in blankets and crawl around the house in the dark, we get lost in the woods, we find bugs, we share poetry, and nearly everything we create, we dress up everywhere we go, we find knicknacks, we're laughing all the time, we go the distance for love, we try our best every day, and I'm grateful.

I've learned that we can have love, and that we don't have to self-destruct, and I hope every day that I'm spreading that message to the people in my life. Thank you <3 <3 <3