I Feel Real (12/17/23)

This is wonderful. I'm a real person. I can talk to people and exist freely. I can be understood. I love. I feel myself. I'm a bit sleepy but I'm feeling real. I can make any decision I want. I'm not fucked. I'm perfectly justified. I'm a reasonable thing to exist. I'm real, I am who I am, and that's allowed because I say it's allowed.

Mushrooms growing on my feet. Fungus all around. Singing in different tunes, beeps, and buzzes, and harmonizing every once in a while. And they're harmonizing a lot more frequently recently. I exist in my own world of yellows, greens, and blues. I'm in a cloud, and sometimes I lose sight of that, but I'm there, and if I let myself exist there, sometimes people understand that. I'm greatful for that. My life is not an obligation. I choose. Maybe I don't know how to make certain choices, but I'm learning.

All my friends went to the park. I need to sleep, but I'm happy. Like last night. I don't want to close the chapter. It's a wonderful moment, and I want to explore all it has to offer. But I've learned so much, and I know what I can have. I've recognized various needs, and when you recognize a need, you give it to yourself. Right now, I need to be getting to sleep soon. I've found stimulation, now I need to find peace. Rest.

I think I know why writing is better recently. I'm writing in the present. I'm paying mind to what I'm experiencing right this very second. I'm not pressing myself about yesterday or tomorrow. Fuck that. Feel strongly, and feel now. I'm better. I want salad. I want salmon. I want that salmon ceasar salad from the corner store. Hungry hungry hungry. Sleepy sleepy sleepy... <3<3<3